Smith looks like a guy that goes on a lot of first dates
Did you just see the Batmobile???
Just figured out why my bed smells like weed: I just found a bowl in my pillow case?
What if we had a smart house and we could just say "baked" and it would rain donuts?
This was just another one of those days you wished you had a penis-size indicator instead of wasting your time isn't it?
U can find me on my couch hungover eatin tuna evaluating my life
I apparently made a "health and fitness" subcatagory called "drugs" on mint at some point. I used it to catagorize all of my nyc atm withdrawls for $60 haha
2:23 am. Im just at McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, paying in nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
2:26 am. Im just being thrown out of McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, without my nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
yo knit me an eyepatch. but also make it usable as a thong
Drunkenly, I gave him a molly instead of an aleve so A) I'm still looking for him and B) I'm not sure about his headache.
My husband has seen you naked more times this week than me. I don't consider it a bad thing since you keep bringing the booze to our house. And because my tits are bigger.
Nothing says I'm committed to you for all eternity like letting him wear crocs to the wedding
going on fb and having 11 notifications all from you is absolutely horrifying
It was just like the old times. We watched movies and shit. But not like old times-i fucked her hot brother when she was in the shower? Times are a'changin.
we used a blowdryer last night to warm up our left over pizza..it worked perfectly at first..but then the chili powder got into his eyes..
Randomize
