I am going to fall madly in love with a ginger, marry the ginger and have lil ginger children running all around town. Oy
You shut your mouth
i threw up in over 4 different places last night. it was like a world tour
Shitting during a conference call is so empowering.
I always feel awkward when im sitting at home watching the price is right and the fat contestant get the gym equipment.
you know i'm gay cause i'd have sex with lady gaga. what straight man would say that?
I hope my margaritas pass through security.
I just found a 1/2 inch of mimosa in my shoe.
You should get more absorbent shoes.
Smoking bowl and applying to community college. I now know how I got here.
on todays agenda: meeting with a life coach then going to the dollar store to buy batteries for my vibrator. clearly im still unemployed.
My gut feeling that we had reached a new level of intimacy last night was confirmed early this morning when you sleep farted on penis.
My boobs are numb because I've been using them as stress balls
Do you sleep with the same women I've already slept with on purpose?
Please don't try and hook up with one of your high school teacher's friends
At first it will make you think "how is this physically possible?" and then it will ruin an entire food group for you.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like picking cocaine boogers out of your nose at your parents house.
Randomize
