Yea, forget your mom. She will be home after her one night stand.
so last night after we hooked up i got my period and woke up this morning with a blood stain on his bed and not only was it huge but i had put my jeans back on before bed so i took the walk of shame with period stained pants
Its so akward after he cums on my face. like usually the porn just ends
I'm sorry. I really don't see what's wrong with pregaming before a wine tasting.This champagne won't drink itself.
The wine tasting is just for charity anyways...
On second thought, trying to signify she was a butter face by wiping my bagel on her cheek may not have been in my best of interests
Let's go get our ovaries removed together. It'll be like bonding by getting mani/pedis, but with more vicodin and less unwanted pregnancies.
I invented the best game. It's called "what touched my exposed nutsack?" It can range from pillows to toothbrushes
My parents called me out on catching us walking home from the bar in a swimming motion because "it was too windy to walk" home...
My birthday is in 11 days. Going ham. Consciousness will not be an option
My mom comes home from her weekend with her lesbian co-workers and asks "You wanna know how I got these bruises?" I've never been more torn about anything EVER.
What does it say about my expectations if I'm pounding three beers the hour before a date?
So you thought it was a good idea to make plans for the same time same place with the guy you were sort of dating AND his best friend you slept with?
Tonight’s your last chance for a danger free blowjob.
Fucked a DJ on a jetski today... I love florriidaaa!
I'm sorry I get my lefts and rights confused because I'm dyslexic. But, it took you at least 15 minutes to figure out it wasn't your room OR YOUR HUSBAND.
Randomize
