I wish my penis had an off switch
in vegas stuck in the middle of a pride right now
Pride?
thats a pack of cougars
go fuck yourself
but she was nice to me.
She was a fuckin STRIPPER.
dude 8 am is too early to start pregaming for new years eve
clearly you are not from wisconsin
On my arm I have 12 dashes, and below is written "plus 2 pretty stout whiskey drinks, so, you be the judge"
He let me keep his flannel as a "good job" for the great head I gave him.
I met her dad while holding 4 empty beer bottles at the opera house. I think I made a hell of an impression.
We opted you as the sacrificial dick tonight. We need our patron cafe. Go make some moves.
I would have done it. But then again I am a starving student who can manipulate my brain into thinking my decision was somehow morally justifiable.
SOS. HE HAS PASSED OUT AND IS LYING ON TOP OF ME. HE IS STILL INSIDE. HELP
your were asleep with people making out on top of you. you didn't even look bothered by it.
I only drink at bars with bathrooms big enough to have sex in.
Some nights you just end up digging your mcdouble out of the trash and eating it. it happens.
Just googled myself and a bunch of boob shots of me came up. Apparently my phone automatically uploaded them to my google plus.
Please google me ASAP and ensure I corrected this...
I told you I couldn't sleep because of the speed and you rolled over and replied "shh. just pretend."
Randomize
