If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
im honestly more upset that i fucked a buckeyes fan than about cheating on my boyfriend...
I have minimal recognition and a lot of burns on my tongue and my vagina hurts.
While you were in the ER we decided to tailgate in the parking lot until security told us that's not allowed.
You should know me better than that. I don't whore around. I promise this is a blowjobs only kind of trip.
Just a heads up, i'm sleeping in te back seat of your car so don't be freaked out when you see me in the A.M.
Oh I love our desires, it's riding my bike at 2 AM with a massive erection that I dislike.
There's a mechanical bull in the basement dude where are you
I have better things to do with my life than be faithful.
i need to put some appletini on your dick
I lost a shoe at the club last night, I think that's when I decided to go home.
I'm wearing a fleece onesie eating pop tarts on the train to work. Killing it.
I need to stop waking up with no pants on.
what happened this time
I dont know everyone was gone and there was a bird in the room
my alarm on my phone broke at the bar sooo i had to sleep with someone so i'd wake up on time for work.
I just ran into my psychology professor at Planned Parenthood she asked why I was there and I asked why she was there and it turns out we both had a scare.#bonding because of abortion.
Randomize
