i have a $600 bill for my ER visit in which they did nothing but suggest to me that i am an alcoholic.
You kept running into the wall most of the night. When people asked you what you were doing you told them you were the kool-aid man and there was little kids on the other side of the wall who needed your juice
Being drunk at the hospital is better than i expected. I got to hide and play in the little kids waiting area. Btw no one is hurt
So you think it's my fault? I didn't give you the 10 shots you took nor make you eat the brownies we made... btw, i found your engagement ring, it was in the last brownie you wouldn't let me have while dragging me to my room.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just pulled a piece of cookie out of my bra in the middle of class. I'm forever alone.
I know it's not technically the "Mile High Club" but we def need a name for the airport bathroom. Cuz that just happened.
I made friends with the delivery guy because he had beautiful dread locks and was a Zelda fan. He texted me after he left saying he wasn't trying to be creepy but we should be friends. We're hanging out tomorrow.
How does this kind of shit happen to you?!
You've been dating this guy for a month now and as your best friend I have to complain that I still don't how big his dick is.
He texted me at 2am telling me to come get my American flag from his place, if that's not code for sex idk what is
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You KNOW it was a good night when you find French fries AND taco remnants in your bra when you get home...
at this point I think you're judging my taste in men
I swear I'm not
It's okay, I'm judging my taste in men
That was my first party and they were so suprised that this little freshman girl was a FUCKING BEER PONG QUEEN.
I want to create a human. Discussion later.
you can see where the duct tape was on my nipple
I'm currently hiding from this horrific thing that we call adulthood. If anyone needs me, I'll be smoking a bowl in the bouncy house.
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