So... how did lowering your standards work out last night?
There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
We can get Dustin to help us. I think he'd be good at luring girls into a dark alley.
I just witnessed someone getting head in the parking garage. Don't ever tell me Baylor is too conservative again.
I'll give her a pass for the first one, but after the second threesome, she should have learned her lesson.
Hey man sorry, can't talk. I'm already taking risks by ripping the bong on this conference call.
Shaun got a portable breathalyzer for christmas so now we can tell who the biggest pussy is at the end of the night.
We're going to shave my junk and take pictures of it wearing fake mustaches we found at the dollar store. They're uncannily realistic; much better than the cockstaches of my youth.
He was drinking wine out of a pyrex measuring cup at two in the afternoon and told me my ass looked fantastic in my sweatpants. I love university
You did this to me with your delicious pizza and moonshine.
I'll forgive you once we're drunk again by noon.
Lots of alcohol last night skiing this morning = me throwing up off chairlift
These beer shits have taken over my entire life.
So how do I get back in good graces for trying to trade you for superbowl tickets?
He texts me "just to say hi" and then tells me how hard he is and sends me a dick pic. And I'm like, dude, I'm ordering a burrito right now
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