Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
I just came out of my doctor's office and i look into the window and i see a guy sitting in the front seat getting head.
why are you so shocked? you live in brooklyn.
I just saw a girl wearing a flannel shirt that would make 1992 cringe
We have to talk through the words with friends chat so his gf won't find out
I meant to tell you earlier: bad life decision saturday has been moved wednesday this week
The timing couldn't have been better if I planned it. His mom walked away, I vomited in their mulch, and then his mom came back and offered me bread.
I keep confusing the name of her and her dog. Both are appropriate.
Dude, seduce him with cookies. You almost turned me gay with scones. Don't be surprised when they get you laid.
WHY DIDN'T YOU INVITE ME TO RUN THROUGH TACO BELL'S SPRINKLERS AT 4AM?!
We need to talk about the sailor moon porn. Do what you want in your room, but I don't want to come home to you cranking it on the couch to that.
SMOKEY THE BEAR CAME AT US WITH FUCKING AXES IN MY DREAM I THINK IT IS A SIGN TO STOP BLAZING IT IN THE WOODS
We can't go out this weekend. My uterus is so desperate it's given me permanent beer goggles
He broke his arm in a fistfight with the bouncer. it was neat.
Just had a smooth transition from sexting to buffalo chicken dip 😂😂😂
Your skills amaze me
I just want to meet a nice normal guy that doesn't want me to taze him while we have sex. . . . .is that too much to ask for?
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