Please explain to me why I only attract Mormon guys. Just explain that to me.
I think it's God trying to counter your lustful nature. Imagine if Agnostics liked you. You'd never come out of your bedroom.
i'll give you all the meat in my fridge in exchange for 2 condoms.
Is it a bad that I spent my 5 year anniversary with my husband texting my ex boyfriend?
his electricity got shut off. i felt like a pilgrim searching for his dick.
im in class. still drunk. wearing one sock. eating a breakfast sandwich and trying to make sure this bottle of whiskey doesnt fall out of my purse in front of my professor
I mean I knew we were putting on quite a show but I didnt realize HOW good until I woke up and 4 people were passed out with their ears to the bedroom door.
How many beers are too many "cause it's Archer Thursday" beers?
I felt so bad for you. Drunk Rachael wanted nothing more than to crawl into the cop car and give you a hug. Luckily Mollied/Barred out Rachael convinced Drunk Rachael this was a terrible idea. So I ran. I have your keys btw
wrestling a boy for fruit? sounds suspiciously like foreplay...
He was respectful of both me and my One Direction calendar.
It's kind of awesome I can smoke with my parents and tell them about thetime we used listerine in that bong
Nothing will stop me from making the title of my paper "The Great Political Cock Block." Absolutely nothing.
but seriously, if you see a redhead running down the street tonight in a carrot costume, call 911. He's tripping hard.
Walking back to my car from the campus library and just saw a Nuva Ring on the sidewalk. If that doesn't scream college life, idk what does.
I was asked to be part of a mmf threesome. I think I'd rather stay home, watching Orange is the New Black and cuddle with my cat though
Randomize
