i felt like cinderella. except at midnight i turned back into a whore.
Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
just wanted to thank u for shitting in my dads bidet last night. i had to manually scoop ur shit out of it. btw ur dumped.
i think i want to fuck a midget just to see how difficult it would be
I miss Michael Jackson so much sometimes
Found him. He was passed out on the couch at the new place in a room full of burnt pizza smoke.
It's summer and yet I still can't have one library session w/o seeing someone who has had their penis in me.
I slept in bed with them the night they met. I once peed on the bride. And now I get to give a speech at their wedding. Piece of cake.
You're cordially invited to the love nest for alcoholic and aquatic adventures. Also known as an all expense paid trip to my pool, alcohol, and vagina.
Doing lines of coke with a $100 dollar bill off a 6in x 9in photo of your childhood self really tells you where you where you've gotten in life.
I'm gunna send you baby bottles of vodka for those nights when you just give up
Mcnellies. I'm drunk enough that you have a window. Capitalize.
WHY DID YOU DRUNK DIAL MY MOM?!
Because mine was sitting on the bar stool next to me...
I'm sitting at my kitchen table alone dressed as a dinosaur smoking bowls in the dark. Is this rock bottom? Or is this living the dream? Who's to say
you know my pussy doesn't know between good and evil
Randomize
