At dinner I grabbed his hand and he screamed "mom she just grabbed my penis" the proceeded to shove my hand down his pants! Hello Mr.Dick!
If you're missing hair this morning, i'm sorry in advance
he called you a drunk bob the builder and you proceeded to explain how you were going to build ramps throughout the house
I legitimately sent him a storybook of naked pictures.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
as it turns out, there is no "i was in the pool" excuse for adderall-induced shrinkage.
I can't believe we had "50th anniversary of man in space" sex.
you wouldn't believe how quickly birth control dissolves in vodka
shes the kind of girl that would cock block endangered pandas
He said i got a new job lets blow this money he bought 4 bottles at the club he is now crying after seeing the reciept
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So I feel like I should have had a going away party for your dick. Complete with balloons and cake. Yeahh that's right. I'm gonna miss it.
who was i chillin with last night? i woke up in a storage unit
"Like what guy would respond to 'let's fuck. I've got bagels'??"
I've started drunk signing up for 5ks. Who even does that?
I touched the butt once. 'Twas an experience with the greatness of legend. So I touched it once more.
There's a difference tho. *I* drink at seven in the morning because I work graveyards. YOU drink at seven in the morning cause you're an alcoholic.
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