Dude, she's so old there's a chalk outline where her reproductive organs used to be.
I'm sitting on the patient chair, waiting for my vagina to be violated & "i don't want to miss a thing" has been playing on repeat. WHY IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME.
The other night after we fucked we talked about Lowe's vision insurance. Never fuck a coworker.
I'm single as of 11 minutes ago. I was the chick who drunkenly tried to climb into bed with you 2 weeks ago. Wanna make this happen?
It's total crap. On a side note I watched a porn of 4 guys wrestling in chocolate then messing around with each other. It was like a dream come true
No, he went to go get condoms. The least I could do was chug two beers before he got back
they told me if I wanted to live here I had to get an ass tattoo and then they all mooned me simultaneously. ass tattoos as far as the eye could see.
I saw Nicolas Cage's face in the moon. Those were good shrooms.
I met my future husband in an elevator. Think Hispanic version of Dr. Bunsen Honeydew from the Muppets, but with eyes like Michael Fassbender.
Saying I've had more balls in my mouth than you is the last clear, coherent thing I remember.
I made a joke about The Hemingway being a really boring sex position where you blandly describe all the action and then kill yourself after you orgasm. He stopped responding. I've GOT to stop talking to everyone like they're you.
My hot gay tattoo artist grew a beard and I'm not taking it well.
Is there something wrong with us? Seriously.
Possibly, but I'd rather not fix it.
Its not that hard to understand he's my holiday boyfriend, we ignore each other most of the year except on holidays when I give him head
What better than a girl who loves jager, sexts like a champ and is down for t-bell at any hours of the night? oh wait, NOTHING.
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