I'm not saying he was bad at sex, but I'm pretty sure I anti-climaxed.
Sometimes to bang a cougar u gotta play wii With her kids
i was getting a blow-job tonight in the mens bathroom of a bar and the bouncer comes in and says "bro i don't mean to cock block but you cant do that here."
I always knew I'd be the first one with an STD
There's a very real possibility that I'll wake up in your uncle's driveway.
think they'd let him outta jail for my wedding? we could have him back by like midnight....
Those were the days I had no morals... Dark times.
Shall we take a trip back?
I woke up this morning in the house, I didn't realize it was physically possible to duct tape a person to the wall...
Omg having my Grindr go off at the planned parenthood is just not okay
she cut her forehead open playing a drunken game of pin the tail on the donkey and now she's having a panic attack.
My nonexistent future grandchildren will one day ask me when I knew I'd lost control of my life. And now I know.
That was the night you tried to convince me you threw up your sould because your throwup was black
That said I did get head on the roof of a 15 story building which, regardless of quality, is still cool
Can't meet up at the party. Gary was caught by the cops attempting to drop a deuce thru his ex wife's Subaru via sun roof. Details as soon as bail is processed.
passed out on bart again and decide to bike home. biked thru a goat farm of angry goats, biked on the freeway, got stopped by the cops, and sat shotgun in the squad car while the officer driving got a video on his iphone of his partner riding my bike on the freeway.
Randomize
