what time did you get home last night?
SO late...when your in the lap of a 35 year old superstar you loose track of time
He said to me " i could be your father but i dont care"...it was so hott
i watch way too much csi for them to even pretend to be my friend.
i was trying to give him roadhead and my tits kept knocking his cheap shifter into neutral...was the first time my tits have ever cock blocked me
So apparently when he was telling people he was in Alaska for 6 months he was actually in jail
he confused my yawn for an orgasm
You better of fucked him last night or do it now because he is buying all the roommates McDonald's.
I think that last shot was nyquil. Please come gte me. WINGS.
Finding a keg in our kitchen would be like god personally high fiving each of us.
Two shots of gin says this is gonna be a sloppy lab write up.
I might have snap chatted him. So here's what I need you to do. Find him. Abduct him. Get his phone. View the chat so he can't. Then, buy him ice cream. He deserves ice cream.
I totally straight up jacked your pants. I am so sorry.
I'm so baked, I spent the last hour trying to screencapture the cracks on my phone.
I just checked and if you bring a picture of your ex they will shred it and give you a free 'hater shot'. Would it be too much to print off one of their wedding pictures and bring it?
I really love that you're not going the 'why am I not married and having a kid yet?' route, but rather 'thank god I dodged that bullet'
Just woke up to the cat unconscious on my stomach, his face between my tits, purring to bring down the walls. I'm endeared and horrified at the same time.
There's something sensual about taking off a pair of socks.
Randomize
