Im broke. I spend all my money on weed cigarettes alcohol and food. In that order. I cant even cut one of those because you know it'd be food. I already stopped getting my nails done just so i could support my bad habits.
dude your girlfriend loves you alot..she yelled your name lastnight in bed
you stole their roomba and ran out the door so that you could 'set it free'.
we found you passed out on lawn and the roomba bouncing back and forth on the sidewalk.
Matt is in the hospital again. the night nurse text me asking not to bring the boombox again. is it sad or awesome that they are starting to know us?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Why yes actually, getting stoned and reading an AARP magazine IS totally where I wanted my night to end!
After so many times of carrying your puked covered clothes home in a bag on a Tuesday morning, you begin to realize that Fucked Up Mondays aren't a real thing.
Malibu has added tequila to its rum. It's like when two beautiful gaybies come together an spawn a unicorn that only cries jellybean tears.
Every bathroom has like throw up and like bagels in it. Richie didn't even have bagels.
this relationship shit is hard. like i'd like to be able to watch veep without him trying to dry hump me. also im drunk and its 11 am so
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't know. I wanna do you but I also want a cheeseburger.
I think the best course of action at this point is to cut his balls off to get him to stop reproducing
Lets get drunk. But not too drunk that I can't work in the morning. But maybe drunk enough so we'll make out
Just had to break it to that one guy that I can't sleep w him bc he looks identical to my brother. So how's your morning?
I am really drunk and also a zombie.
im just letting you know I walked in on you with four different guys last night. a. you were all naked. b. they're all roommates
Randomize