I woke up hungover and reached for a glass of water only to realize too late that it was vodka sprite with my splooge in it.
he was wearing 3D glasses the whole time.
She is two pictures of justin bieber away from being blocked from my news feed
He poured all of the vodka into the sweet tea and said that tomorrow it would be called 'surprise drunk.' then we had sex.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'll tell these girls I'm like the pet adoption center...don't play with it if you're not taking it home.
Being high is an amazing excuse. I was using him for the potential of a beret, come on. I'd do that sober.
Woke up with eyeliner streaked down my face, glitter all over my bed, and holding half-eaten Jimmy Johns. Plus, my whole family's downstairs for Thanksgiving... Welcome to the shitshow that is my early 20s
Tis the season to puke in grandma's bathroom
You were sitting in the tub, clothed, squirting my KY all over yourself. You said "it's warm." then passed out.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Okay hun. Well my neighbors haven't called the cops yet so I think we're good. No more burning in the yard.
Also, I'm going to yoga because I have a Taylor Swift range of emotions right now.
She tackled him mid-puke while the other two were cutting up a $60 dildo with a kitchen knife and putting the pieces in a Corona bottle.
It's scary that my vibrator is a dangerous weapon. I want a new one.
I just saw your mom take a body shot off an undergrad, please tell me you're somewhere near by.
Hitting up all my dealers for my birthday grams is paying off
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