i was so high i thought his mole came off and was flying around
I hope i woe up in your car, or else i stole someone elses and slept in the back seat
cutting back on calories before spring break by only taking shots instead of drinking actual drinks.
the diet of an alcoholic...
at least he left the skimmer on the side of the pool so i could fish out my thong in the morning
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i'm too stoned to be pregnant. the kicking is morse code for wanting beef jerky.
She said that I needed to "pregame her so it can slip right in."
I'm not sure if you saw my recent facebook update, but I have already put the Radio Flyer wagon to good use. I had someone pull me to the nearest bar.
come over after work tomorrow, liz and i will make all of your wildest dreams come true. so long as your wildest dreams involve drinking champagne at my house with two girls who won't have sex with you.
I hate that he uses me for something other than sex. What does he think I am? His girlfriend? Ha.
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the fact that we had sex in the dining hall makes it seem so much more like home.
My ultimate goal is to get laid wearing a horse mask... That would be awesome on all possible levels
We were in his kitchen and she turned to me with a straight face and an avocado in her hand and said "Can we steal this?"
The struggles of a small town man whore
She abandoned me on the doorstep of her hostel. Turns out you can't bring one night stands into those places. Slept in a train station next to a tramp. He gave me chips. And didn't steal my shit while I slept. So I'm counting this one as a win
If I could tell my younger self three things it would be: 1. Smoke a lot more weed 2. Have a lot more sex 3. Own a good set of pots and pans
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