Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
amateur piercings on our way to the beach? check.
I wish straight boys touched me the way gay boys do.
Hunting for men at chipotle... I feel like I should be more disappointed that this is the way my life is going but I'm really just excited for the potential.
Yeah but I was the kid who ran over your BMW and is banging your 15 year old daughter... There isn't a cool enough dad in the world to make that work.
Like do you realize his dealer came out with a gun and we laughed like it was all just fun and games...
I just got my hands on some dry ice. How do you feel about coming home to a mystical wizard toilet?
We had a threesome and he gave us bottle rockets and a lamp for our apartment
downside - we got stuck at the intersection before the santa clause parade started and had to wait for it to end. upside - i got frontrow seats and a blow job to the santa clause parade.
It's accurate though. I am legitimately passionate about pickles. I crave pickles the same way I crave sex. It is a deep rooted animalistic need
His whole street is under construction. Third walk of shame this week & I'm getting a lot of sympathetic nods from the workers.
So the bar crawl I'm on is a "90s bar crawl" and I made the joke about a few overweight girls that "lack of concern for your weight is so 90s" it did not end well
You would critique a dick pic. Damn art people.
We are horrible
Yeah but we're also awesome
Hey, I'm just seeing how you're doing and letting you know I fucked your dad last night. Don't fuck with me.
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