turns out Discover card thinks that if you spend $450 at four different liquor stores in one evening that the card "must have been stolen"
do you know anything about the $5 bill with my name stapled to it in my purse??
flashcards smell like vodka and my textbook is in the toilet. ready for the final
just found preset five on the shower head...pretty sure my pussy just had a panic attack
The kid taped his penis down so that he wouldn't get a boner while dancing with girls. Oh these middle school man whores never cease to amaze me.
two fat guys on crotch rockets just invited me to 'party' with them at a del taco. why does this keep happening to me?
Whatever dude, I don't feel bad about it. If my girlfriend finds out even SHE should give me a high five. That bitch was fine
What is a foreign vacation of stupidity without some fake names?
On the way out the door to work grabbed the wine glass on the floor left for the ghost of Elijah and chugged it. PASSOVER.
Boise Idaho, where you have a one night stand with someone from your town 3 states away and run into them the day you return...
Boobs are out for the taking
I just literally had a dance party in my closet. I've never been this blazed.
The owner was showing me around and pointed at one of the bars and said "this is the one you're allowed to dance on. I could tell you wanted to ask." DREAM JOB.
I need an office. I have big plans. I'm learning spanish this month.
Alcohol. Making me feel good about myself since 2008
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