life is too short to starve
life is also too short to be fat
let's just say, the carpet matched the drapes. in colour and length.
I unwillingly was the ball between four hungry hippos last night. I thought the one chick was actually going to eat me
I feel like a bad episode of csi trying to figure everyone's DNA that's in me
you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
i didnt mean to paint the dog... it just kinda happened
I was an emotional waste case that night. She made me stroke her ponytail.
I blew him while he was standing up and he drooled on my head
It is completely possible to eat beef jerky sexually.
I just realized I haven't had a date or a potential possibility of a date in about a year. Then I realized I wanted to actually go on a date. But I'm sitting here getting high instead of being at a party. Life.
Got hit on by the cable guy. Solid 9. Think Orlando Bloom with a glorious curly mullet.
Didn't think the day of being the oldest in a club would be when I'm twenty one. Even the bouncer looked surprised when he ID me.
Why is there a slipper full of piss in my bedroom?
Good luck. While you're suffocating on a dick, I'll be eating pizza rolls. Being a good girl.
I have photo proof.
Girl, don't care. What's my rule? If I don't remember it, it never happened.
Randomize
