when we asked you if you had had anything to drink tonight you looked up from the toilet while cupping the water into your hands and said "this.. just this"
Do you think my job would send me for a second drug test if i took a whole pumpkin pie to work for lunch tomorrow?
Just saw the stripper pole on the road that we threw out of the party bus last night
I'm just pissed at the whore who takes over my body when I'm blacked out.
She's wearing her dead grandmother's pearl on the married finger so no guys "bother her" tonight... I am not THAT committed to Girl's Night.
I draw, I play three woodwind instruments, I press buttons for eight hours at work and Im studying to be a gynecologist... I guarantee I can make you squirt, babe.
I met her daughter,who I went to high school with on my way out this morning. She didn't seem to surprised. I love older women.
Just had empanadas for breakfast while watching Wall-e with my yesterday's one night stand mother AND grandmother.
That's a lot of people she's fucked in one picture.
It says a lot about the way my life is going right now that 'there's no shit in your house' is fucking good news.
I've been vomiting all day.
All day? It's 10am.
I didn't know where you were for like 15 minutes and then I went in the bathroom splashing water on the mirror and throwing hand towels around saying that you were "redecorating"
he threw his shirt and suit jacket out the window of the uber going home
That said I did get head on the roof of a 15 story building which, regardless of quality, is still cool
So I'm at early voting and the group of ladies behind me is talking about voting no on 2 and my gummy is kicking in, thank lawd
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