Bullshit. I know you're watching The Dog Whisperer
That Cesar Milan is captivating
Any day that starts with a call from my ex-bf... crying... is a good day.
dude 8 am is too early to start pregaming for new years eve
clearly you are not from wisconsin
CAUTION: TWINS DO NOT HAVE TWIN PENISES.
Not even drunk me wanted to have sex with him. I kept intentionally hitting my head on the table behind me during sex till he said i was too drunk for sex.
someone needs to get her out of the garbage can shes never gonna forgive us for this
We have zombies coming, and all you can think about is cock.
omg i hate the new neighbors. why cant a bitch just be hungover in peace on a wednesday morning.
I just ate a bag of doritos while taking a shower. I can now officially do anything
I pretty much landed into this relationship penis first
Eye surgery went well. Just can't believe it took getting lasers through my eyes to temporarily stop the vivid sex dreams I was having
be warned: you might find a baby hampster in my bra
Are you vicariously golddigging through me?!
yeah the highlight of my day was the 911 operator telling me they had frantically been trying to figure out where i was
Nope. I'm an adult now. I can successfully avoid to vomit in defiance of the porcelain god\n
Randomize
