if you are receiving this text, you are one of the people i hate
that would be two times in a week with two different guys.
they have the same name so it only counts as one guy right?
You better be watching. There will be a POP quiz. Each correct answer gains you 5 more minutes of the sexual act of your choice
Fourth time I had to be woken up in the line of Whataburger in two weeks. First time my shirt was free of vomit.
First off, get on bc solely in preperation for this event. Second, as my little sister you have a lot of whore to live up to.
I apologize for getting really drunk, taking off my shirt, bitching someone out, crying, and breaking something at your party next weekend...
I'm so covered in bruises. God dammit drunk me. We are a lady.
How many times do I have to drunk reject you for our friendship to become awkward? Cause were at 9 as of last night
and i think wearing the clothes from last night are out of the question...was there mud wrestling there? because i look like a participated..with a cat.
Oh thank Jesus fuck for my shitty infertile womb. Crisis averted
That rando I gave head to on the beach just endorsed me on LinkedIn for Oral Communication Skills. So there's that.
Diet Starts Tomorrow! Guy from McDonalds asked if I got a new car...
I went from looking for a bong to home decor in a 10 minute span. This is what being an adult is all about!
There were 7 of us cowering in the kitchen because you were swinging a giant, pink double headed dildo around like a nunchuk and hitting anyone who came near you with it.
i made that whipped coffee shit today. took six pouches of instant espresso.
please tell me you didn’t consume six shots of espresso
:)
i can feel colors
Randomize
