Why the fuck do they always fuck on couches in porn?
Don't ever text me while you're jacking off. EVER.
I think I'd remember a dick in my mouth
I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
a slip n slide in 50degree weather was the 2nd dumbest thing i have ever done. the 1st was hitting the wooden fence i believed was supposed to "help us stop"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
my mom just called and warned me someone is trying to serve me, i feel like i'm playing an extreme game of hide and go seek these next weeks
Can you explain to me how i got kicked out of a bar last night, from outside the bar?
He ate me out on the balcony. My asian neighbors cats are judging me...ALL 3 OF THEM!!
Oh it's not a problem. Cleaning up the yard and disposing of 75 gallons of Jello is all I've got to look forward to today.
I fell down the stairs while taking the dog out last night. I was laying there with the dog licking me face and my neighbor just stepped over me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Notice how both of our plans for hooking up with these guys involve getting them drunk?
Oh my God, we're like men but with great boobs.
Woke up in a bathtub with both of my legs broken. How was your night?
I'm drunk doing an ab workout. I can only hope I make it to bed tonight.
He asked me how flexible I was and all I could think about was that time I threw my back out putting in a tampon.
I have two choices: tits or tacos. I just can't decide.
I mean the power was out what was I supposed to do
Randomize