Sex tip #67: Jizz in the eye is very near the equivalent to pepper spray. Not recommended for pleasure enhancement.
I didn't even realize you were getting that drunk until bam!
is bam when I fell down the stairs or when I threw up standing at the bar?
After throwing up, the toothpaste tasted so good. Thank you for not letting me eat it.
I cagt a turtle and named him squirt. He's in my bathtub Caleb is feeding me peaches! This is the most beautiful vodka Thursday ever!
do you remember yelling at the waitress that you were a power bottom?
Update: I only have one shoe. The other one now belongs to the gods of jello-wrestling. May it rest in peace.
yeah the little voice in my head screaming YOU NEED TO GET LAID eventually grew legs and started kicking me so to avoid brain damage i had to fuck him
My phone autocorrected your name to "grownup." that couldn't be more inaccurate. I'm getting a new phone.
Cute boy and deffffff wearing a HS shirt. I am getting too old to be inaccurate.
he pushed me in the lake knowing full well I had joints on me. that's drug-abuse!!
what's your room number? I've never been there sober...
So I should just walk in, look him in the eye and say, "I just came to fuck your brother, nice to meet you" and just walk to your room.
What did the sign say that bob stapled to his ass?
I would give a kidney to fuck him and he knows it. That bastard.
I'm just happy stripping was the reason you fractured your hand
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