More dangerous that a broken heart and a shotgun.
I just woke up in my car with half the wedding cake next to me. This will not end well.
Is it weird that I miss finding cum in my bed?
Never eat 3 McGriddles and drink a carton of milk. It's like you're successfully killing self but you're alive.
he suggested we appoligize to eachother. then do blow and painkillers & have ourselves a make-up party.
she said they gang banged her to "who let the dogs out." the dude left of the middle barked along. sounds like a good time.
It's four o'clock and my 60yo aunt's tits have already made an appearance and there is a dildo traveling around the room periodically assaulting family members. Strangely I am thankful.
Guess who won a bet and gets to name it Optimus prime if it's a boy
Nevermind. Totally worth it.
NOLA update. Went to Corey Smith at the house of blues last night. Drank PBR and took lots of shots of Jack. Too drunk, cabbed it to the hotel and fell asleep while having sex. Not my finest moment. Now I'm in court. I can't wait to be your attorney.
Who knows. Maybe the world would be a better place if more people sent their drug dealers thank you cards.
fucked a girl in the dry storage closet at work. knocked over a whole rack of tomato paste and pinto beans. and also i really hope my manager doesn't review this footage from the security camera
You used his ass cheeks to demonstrate how to play the bongos and he still called you the next day. That's true love.
His dick is pure magic - dark, powerful, beautiful magic. It's the Elder Wand of penises
He put a doughnut around his dick and I ate it. What can I say. It was a good fucking night.
No I'm not high but I did cry for over an hour tonight because I realized that they never made a sequel to "Under the Tuscan Sun" with Diane Lane.
Randomize
