i'm in the guys across the halls apartment. i think 7 MIP guy wants me. he just got a medical marijuana card. might be worth it.
im honestly just eating salsa and looking at his penis
The one wearing a viking helmet and holding a bottle of Smirnoff. She's laying on the floor of the tube singing "cant find my way home" . You can't miss her..
And he probably thinks I'm in love with him but after three shots of Patron you love anything
We didn't want to make a pit stop so I just helped my husband pee in a bottle. No one told me this was part of love.
I think I might get 604 tattooed on my ass tonight...
Last night all you did was whine about how you needed something new and exciting
Is THAT why I woke up with dreadlocks?
Just figured out my hair is long enough to tie my wrists together. . .get over here NOW!
This guy on Hoarders just said "we're all about 4 or 5 decisions away from shitting in a bucket". True dat
Apparently we stole a dog last night. I woke up and it was just staring at me. But we fed it left over KFC for breakfast so it's cool.
It hurts to hear and I can smell shapes.
You were sitting in a chair and you said "I just feel like a little fishy, floooooating through the ocean, so pretty"
I'm gonna be the best dressed mother fucker to ever get kicked out of that damn bar.
I told him you're making deviled eggs for the party. Sisters make deviled eggs to get their sisters laid. It's science.
I've realized that drinking at your apartment alone on a Tuesday probably isn't a good thing.
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