Phrase i just heard while watching the U.S. open: "Boy they have really trimmed it well, this has got to be the tightest hole in the Open."
DOES ANYONE KNOW THE NINJA TURTLES
My stomach is making the worst sounds, probably because there is nothing but semen in it.
its not you its me. and by that i mean i am more interested in having random one night stands with random hot girls then having the same normal sex with u.
Yeah. He can't come because his mom found the pizza box under his bed with my underwear in it. He acted confused, guess because i forgot to tell him..
he fed me chocolate as I gave him a handjob. I felt like a princess.
She sucked my dick and I swear I almost had to send a search party into her mouth to find it. IT WAS THAT AMAZING.
Dude, I lost my shirt, and my doorknob is gone. I'm not sure which I should find first
my parents have to start far too many of our conversations with the sentence "this is an observation, not a judgment" than I'm proud of
I just singed the hair in my nose trying to re-light a joint. now all i can smell is burnt hair. day ruiner
TSA literally pulled two bottles of whiskey out of my bag. Once he saw the leopard print socks and the mickey mouse tank, he put it back in my bag and said "Have a fun trip, man."
Mom and dad should be so proud half of their children have gotten naked in the same local grocery store
I just ate your leftovers whilst watching Garfield and Friends. Thank you across the board.
If I die tonight, you and your brother can split my money evenly for college only.
all $38?
Bahahah I should. I’m the free range drunk girl who should clearly not be free range because who knows what kind of fuckery I would get into
Randomize
