I know right? mind you this is the same woman who told me when I was 12 that oral sex just meant talking dirty
Stephanie. Problem. I think if I had met Murphy before Ben I would have fucked him instead.
Don't worry about your Murphy feelings. I may have fucked him no matter what.
Am I a whore if I make out with a boy just so michelle can't?
He was so drunk that he tried to backflip off a baby chair.. How do you think that ended?
You know what is really helpful - when the two guys you want to fuck stand next to each other. Stay tuned for who wins
I JUST WANT TO WATCH PORN BUT THE CAT IS JUST SITTING HERE LICKING HIS BALLS. I CAN'T DO IT.
I got kicked out of a mexican restaurant last night for being too drunk. This is getting dangerously close to rock bottom
And i didn't ask you to do that, You showed your penis at your own free will.
Showing up at the grocery store at 5am to have the clerk sprint to the condom cabinet waiving the keys because you told him to hurry it was an emergency
I miss college girls! You know how depressing it is to fuck 30 year olds? That's what failure feels like
Let's be honest, your relationships fail because the man you're looking for is the equivalent of an intellectual blow-up doll.
You know.... I ordered the nipple clamps when I was drunk. But on further consideration, THANKS DRUNK ME I LIKE WHATS HAPPENING
Hahaha idk what's worse your life or my hangover.
He serenaded me a cappella to Ed Sheeran. I wasn't going to leave his dick unsucked.
idk but im stoned n hiding in the bathroom from my kids with a really big bowl of really little candy bars
Randomize
