I wish my cat could text because i would tell him that everything will be ok. and i wish he could send them back..but him have no thumbs. him no know what he would text with.
he got instantly turned off in the middle of a blowjob when he heard the news "twilight beat the blockbuster record of batman"
She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
So.. My internet got red-flagged at work because i did a search on "midigit strippers las vegas" This may be hard to explain...
You told him how lucky he was to be an elephant and kept trying to grab his "trunk"
It's official, my little sister has hooked up with more girls than I have.
I cant help but love a girl who informs me of the pregnancy test results by emailing me a YouTube clip of Barney Stinsons not a fathers day speech.
hahaha lucky. I'm fishing with some dude I just met when I woke up next to the mohawk river
I NEED YOU HERE TO KNOCK THE MALT BEVERAGES OUT OF MY MOUTH
Next time you're baked eat baked beans and potato chips together. Like dip them in the beans. It's so good
Let's knock shit down like godzilla and have intense sex in the rubble
I'm high. ignore me
I biked home blackout drunk last night, but I have some memory of throwing my bike in a rage when I couldnt get it down the stairs. No idea on the bright orange puke in the sink.
You know the bunny onesie you sent me? Happy Halloween, I just did the hop of shame.
I got drunk. Then I took a shit.
It was a good shit
We still on for Manwhore Monday?
Randomize
