Public safety found my id!
And i can't find my bra so i'm assuming they found my bra with my id which would explain the disapproving tone the lady on the phone had.
At what point did I eat out of your mouth?
Scott woke me up by cracking a beer open in my face. Best friends are awesome.
Being a responsible DD does not include attempting to coordinate a 4 taxi caravan to bar #3
Everytime I am with a guy I hope his penis is as big as yours. It never is. Thanks for setting that bar.
I'm the fucking queen of sexting. I just made a blowjob sound so poetic I'm wishing I were a guy just so I could blow me. Learn from me.
Finally buying a camera. Missed out on recording a 3way last night. Hindsight. Ugh.
Look, opening a Guinness with a steak knife and nearly cutting your finger off to make another carbomb is always a good idea.
You had your shirt off checking IDs at the door and you don't even work there
Pretty sure by 1p, she had fucked all of my bodily fluids out of me. I'm now trying to replace them with bourbon so 2016 is turning out pretty good.
Oh yeah I meant to tell you the Tomb Raider looking girl so crop dusted me on the stairway
He said 'I really struggle with the sin of lust' then we proceeded to have sex. So I guess it was a perfectly executed Catholic pick up line?
Last thing I remember at your house last night is your dad leaning on the beer pong table and saying "you guys can fucking party"
he said he's going to burn things and pack his stuff. he may leave tomorrow supposedly but i doubt it
If I lock her out of the apartment right now would the neighbors have grounds to sue?
Randomize
