my vagina is like the nba. its where amazing happens.
I hit 10,000 texts this month.. I think my grandkids have carpal tunnel.
Just found my mom passed out in my bed holding a bag of wine. Not sure if I'm ashamed or proud.
Just saw a motorized bathtub. I think this college thing is gonna work out.
apparently they wrote a song entitled "butt slut" about her... im thinking shes not girlfriend material.
I hope no one at work will be able to read the "who wants body shots" on my chest. I forgot about it.
im sure shes a lovely person but i cant be friends with someone that doesnt drink. its just not right.
Note to self: Do not bring gift bag with cock ring inside to family Christmas. Leave to unwrap at home.
the cab driver asked if you were our mom. you definitely shouldn't have tipped him so much.
Which I'm also surprisingly fine with. If he walked into the bedroom naked, holding a fish in one hand and a lit candle in the other and said "Let's get fucking weird." I'd probably go with it. He's just that hot.
GOOGLE HAS JUST RELEASED AN UPDATE THAT ALLOWS YOU TO CATCH POKEMON USING MAPS. Pack your shit, our time has COME.
He just jumped up off the couch, screamed "ITS OVER NINE THOUSAND!" And then attempted to fly out the window like a bird. I don't know nor do I care to know what just happened
Just almost drowned myself in the shower again. I need an adult.
After we had sex he gave me a thumbs up... fucking A&M Aggies, man
I miss the pre Covid days when we could meet men in bars. Hitting on guys in the grocery store is just depressing
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