im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
My vagina hasn't been this smooth since I was 8. I better get laid tonight.
Good news.. I found out what I did Saturday night. Bad news... I found out what I did Saturday night.
He only dropped the Russian accent after we started having sex.
No, its ok. Im playing strip pretty pretty princess im currently dueling for the crown
be ready to rage tomorrow. like naked ranch dressing rage
Judging by the garbled spelling in the calendar reminders in my phone, drunk me really wanted sober me to take a pregnancy test today.
i accidentally sent all my draft messages..how do i do damage control for the multiple "fuck me now" type msgs sent at ten am?
I think I blacked out after I decided drinking alone on the trailered jetskis was a good idea
Right, try not to commit a felony that costs more than 4 dollars cause that's all I have in my bail jar.
How weird would it be to ask your bro to 3d print your dick for me
WHO TURNS DOWNA FRESHLY WAXED VAGINA IN A MAIDS COSTUME LITERALLY LAYING IN YOUR BED
And then before we had sex he was quoting space jam to me
About to wash down a xan with an iced pumpkin spiced latte from starbs and I feel like I've never lived up to my stereotype so much at one time
Pride log, day two. Noticing more bruises and scrapes. Liver functions probably very lowered.
Randomize
