Please don't call me names while I'm carrying your child.
pretty sure mid blowjob I told him I needed to call you and ask you if this was whore-ish. He hid my phone from me.
I've seriously contemplated telling him the baby isn't his just so I can meet Maury Povich
remember to ask your mom about the name of her pet duck so we can name the bowl
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
As I am reading this. I'm standing in my underwear eating taquitos. I'm saying this in the most loving way possible: FUCK OFF.
This baby is an asshole
We could make it cute. Like "oh those two cute lesbians who are about five foot two who sell the cocaine down the street. You know the ones? With the Yorkies?"
Doc gave me something stronger than Xanax. The pills have your last name imprinted on them. This cannot be coincidence.
Apparently after I threw up I put my socks in the toilet......
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just got attacked by a swarm of butterflies. Nothing is okay anymore.
I'm pretty sure that our Lady and The Tramp Red Vine moment was the farthest I got last night
You kept ranting how Captain Planet is getting shortchanged in the superhero department. Other than that you kept it together
There was puke outside of my classroom and lecture was half empty. Damn thirsty thursday is intense
Who cares if he’s younger, he’s hung like a moose. Your vagina will never forgive you if you pass on that dick
not even sure this counts as hungover but like my body can't exist in reality today
Randomize