so he shaved. down there. and before he took his pants off i thought it was hot but then all i could think about were the naked mole rats from 7 grade science class.
I woke up to them arguing over who would get my morning wood. Oh, and I was dressed as Santa.
Id like to know where dora the explorers parents are when she goes on all these crazy ass adventures
no sex. but he left me weed, so almost as good.
I've made out with men from every corner of the globe. Sex-wise, I've almost conquered europe. Take that napoleon
She said she couldn't find my penis because my arm was in the way. That was my penis
Every man deserves at least one moment like that
I could probably do something when Im able to get enough strength to think about thinking about to stand.
Can we make a pact that if we're 40 and still sluts that aren't married we can get civil unioned the fuck up and raise an asian baby as our own?
Someone had Captain Morgan and orange juice at the same moment I lost my hangover and I just had to give it a try.
I am trying to take a picture of a man in a wheelchair trying to ship a michael jackson portrait
Can you find me some 'I threw up in my hair last night' medicine?
I think I should just be a madame. Fuck it.
I'm just gonna post fliers on telephone poles like, "who wantsta be a hooooooe?!"
In Punta Cana for my bachelor trip, hopefully tomorrow my passport is blacklisted
I smoked all his weed and he hasn't noticed yet. But I might need a place to crash when he does
He's so drunk that he's ignoring me and just doing what my cat does.
Oh god he's trying to eat cat food... I don't know if I should stop him or continue laughing....
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