Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
Why can't we have signs that automatically flash on our foreheads that say not interested when gross ugly guys come around, like those glasses that get dark when the sun comes out?
waiting in line for my ID. the kid in front of me reaks of hopes and dreams and hornyness-- freshmen by calvin klein
i just sent this text using only my big toe
Yea...but the guy who is beating me has a ponytail. So actually, I'm the winner here.
The black hole just entered the party man, I can literally see guys starting to move towards her.
Make sure you have everything youll need until sunday. aka a green shirt and condoms.
Posting happy birthday to my grandpa on Facebook.... Then realizing my profile pic is me dressed as a slutty cop when he used to be a police officer.
The number of tpain songs that actually relate to my life right now is embarrassing.
There is a midget driving a powered tricycle around town. I am not drunk, stoned, or lying.
He carried around a bottle of jäger the whole night and when everyone thought the cops came, he started doing push ups in the middle of the floor cause he said it calmed him down.
It would be awesome if I knew whose teeth these were in my pocket
No. Way more drunk than the night I put a snowball in my purse "for later" and woke up to find everything soaking the next day.
But less drunk than the day that Pete took four of your birth control pills thinking they were Advil, right?
This kid wants me to stop partying. Like I have only known you for 5 days. Chill.
I've never met a penis that didn't think I was awesome.
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