dude your girlfriend loves you alot..she yelled your name lastnight in bed
we hooked up on one of my student's desks last night...i can't decide if i'm ashamed or massively proud of myself
dude you teach first grade wtf
just took my abortion antibiotic with my martini. i no longer wonder how i got into this situation.
then again I'm sitting on a tree stump completely naked in the dark listening to some type of glee soundtrack.
he has been on a 2 week bender, has been homeless for a week and a half, and leaves for madagascar in 2 days. Do we worry or is that normal?
there is a time and a place for ass-grabbing and that was not it.
i really need to shower, but i don't want to take off my bra and lose my cleavage. the struggle
It is a bad day indeed when you learn that your boy toy looks better in your dresses than you do
Dougie got over his pride nerves. Found him dancing on a float wearing nothing but rainbow boxers.
I'm not a whore anymore. I gave up 90% of my women for you. I'm a 4-5 woman kind of guy now.
Note to Self: Never again eat a weed brownie by yourself two hours before a tornado warning in your exact location.
He just kept pissing on the couch as we were yelling at him while he repeatedly told us "its going to be okay".
No idea who's grandma but people were just running around naked
I remember reading the word "lift" so I did. The alarn went off, and I thought to myself "what dumbass pulls the fucking fire alarm?" and then I realized it was me...
I'm unsure if I could pee myself at this point in my life
Randomize
