I'm sorry that you just had your first misguided homo experience
She got kicked off the plane and spent the last four hours in a holding cell with the feds.
but she's really nice
you woke up, pulled a beer bottle out of your pants..took a drink and went back to sleep.
we ended up doing shots out of those medicine cups..swine flu finally did something good for me
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You love me.
That's because, tragically, I adore whores.
He's coming over tonight...I really wish I didn't have my period right now...
I believe I'm witnessing the first time ever that you wished your period would NOT come....
apparently we spent 30 minutes inside that big Nike store turning all of their Duke gear inside out. for some reason the employees didn't stop us.
I found my phone outside under the leaves by the curb. What the fuck did I do last night
I suppose I should wish you a happy one year of bumping uglies
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Thing I said while arguing: I want to be single again so that I can have pizza and dick rained down upon me.
Pulling out all the stops on being a lady.
So I got lost trying to find you guys and ended up proposing to a bride in a bachelorette party with a condom.
Well I met my booty call's parents by accident, so that happened.
I don't care if we're married you can't just walk into the bedroom with a pizza box expecting to get laid
I drank all the wines... and all th Doritos. Whilst watching Fat Camp. I need to reassess my values.
Some guy at the bar last night bought us Arrowhead water and I was so drunk, it tasted good
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