So I've been thinking a lot since she told me she's prego. But what I want to know is why my voice of reason sounds like Thomas fucking Jane!?
Well, shes famous, an alcoholic, hillarious, and has big boobs.... Pretty much my only aspirations in life.
i have wind burn on my face from my head hanging out the window of the cab vomitting
he just made me youtube cheetahs running and he thinks he is in a pool
Not only was there cake on the wall but someone shoved cake and meat in a cup and put it in the fridge.
yeah its nbd she just bit me in the face. be there soon
It's like getting ready for my vaginas own execution
He gave me four orgasms and I kept yelling "Thank you!" and he kept replying, "My pleasure!"
Midwestern nice.
I learn from experience and I experienced what it would be like to completely lose my mind and then wake up with a stab wound.
I knew it was a bad night when the only thing I could remember was you force feeding me tortilla chips as I hugged the tire of my car and begged to have my stomach pumped.
your body is your temple. do you really want a bunch of dicks in your temple?
The friend zone. He put me in the friend zone. But said he still wants me to suck his dick. I'm in the dick sucking friend zone and I want to die.
You spent an hour sitting naked in your neighbor's Jeep Wrangler yelling in a terrible British accent about how you were "on a safari". Then you passed out on your lawn.
On a scale of 1 to shit show you were "i just pissed myself"
hes sooooo boring!!! I feel like I’m in a relationship with myself now. I have an 8 inch dildo under my bed, THATS how much I’m in a relationship with myself.
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