Last night I broke through a door, was hospitialized, arrested, and threw my shoe at a bouncer. This summer is gonna be fuckin sick.
I dont like him- his parents were home and he hid me in his closet like anne frank
Fuck their fairy tale bullshit. I shall ruin it. With a few thrusts of my cock.
I need to stop hooking up with boys in my major. three boys in one class is just a litttle too awkward.
When I told my mom I was having a rough time, she responded with "pop a xanax, take a nap, and when you wake up all will be right with the world." My mom is finally starting to shape up.
tried to be sexy and unbutton his shirt with my teeth. ended up slobbering all over it. thank god he was already passed out
Dude, she uses Old Spice. It smelled like I was eating out my grandfather.
It's been five and a half years since she and my brother stopped dating. I feel like that's a long enough grace period. Going for it.
This is going to be BYOBM Vegas trip: Bring Your Own Bail Money.
I'm a lady, I can't pee on the ceiling. Even I don't have that power.
Penises. Everywhere.
You're. Welcome.
If by date you mean washing Pizza house down with a bottle of wine, then yes I have a date.
The problem with having sex on the couch is that your blanket ends up in the laundry and you're left cold on the couch the next day.
Also there's so much vodka on my breath that if I blew on my fingers my nail polish would fall right off
He came so fast i dont think he got it all the way in. He apologized and gave me his favorite baseball card.
Randomize
