He was telling me how the song fireflies makes him feel like he can talk to animals
He didn't speak any English, but I think I caught the word turtle in there somewhere.
Why would he say turtle mid-fuck?
I faked it too. I just spit on your bed.
He said something pertaining to Ragu and vodka I'm worried
..But I'm still alive. And thats the main thing
Do you think it's illegal to work at a bar if you're on probation for a DUI? I need a night job where I can meet men.
A man and his most likely hooker just bought us Taco Bell.
I just burped smoke on the bus. Hello 6:48am
Someone had Captain Morgan and orange juice at the same moment I lost my hangover and I just had to give it a try.
She loves introducing her friends to my foreskin.
You were typing for me while I was hyperventilating into a paper bag on the floor.
He sent me a meme at 3am. Usually guys just send me booty calls that late. I think I'm in love
Also, why does our bed smell like mayonnaise?
Yeah. I hurt his pride. But he's not over it. And by it I mean me.
He said he’s shouting let’s get this bread the first time we have sex...
He’s very straightforward
Randomize
