It was like what a highfive between zeus and Jesus would sound like
i made two phi delts show me their dicks in less than 30 words! Take that twitter!
Apparently getting drunk, buying a guitar from your local costco and walking in to an open mic night is not the same as rocking out to guitar hero...
She told me she was going to ride me so hard i would cum the ghosts of my ancestors...its gonna be a good time
And then you proceeded to sneak behind thee bar and hold up an empty bottle of vodka and scream LOOK WHO THE BARTENDER IS NOW BITCH!
Druken naked yoga : jus another ploy to keep your husbands eye in check
I hope your fat roommate breaks the bunkbed and crushes you in your sleep
The bottle of Wild Turkey is empty and there is a pile of wet cement in the garage. What happened?
He offered to take me to my appointment after breakfast then kind of just sat there and watched me get a papsmier. Most awkward first date ever.
I just remembered touching your bosses wife's fake tits last night. Thanks again for taking me to your work function.
I thought the first time I got peed on it would be by a baby...
I just wanna know if were done hooking up so I know of that condom he left in my top drawer is fair game
how do you tell someone, in the most complimentary way possible, that they would make an excellent stripper?
I'm doing my drinking workout. 20 pushups for each beer I finish. I should write a fucking book
hurry up. it's a friday night and i'm drinking in my office by myself. wearing a stewie griffin costume. the cleaning lady is judging me.
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