He told me i was the nicest person he's ever arrested for DUI
Why do guys in porn never have boxers on?
better question: why do you always text me when you're watching porn
on the brightside, the semester can only get better from getting a dui at 8 am on the first day.
your optimism is becoming unhealthy
well i just had my first "when i graduated college she was 12" morning
Apparently I joined a band last night. Definitely my favorite blackout.
they were fucking between cars in the parking lot and everyone was cheering at them.
Yes I want to fuck your friends but it's out of respect and love for you.
You know summer is almost over when ur school booty calls start hitting u up as if solidifying their spot in drunken mistakes for next semester
Found my underwear in a solo cup. That about sums up this weekend.
Mid stroke she told me she'd had bigger. Replied I could tell. Sex ended right at that moment.
Just participated in the saddest thing: Cheetos. Handjob. I have lost at life
My parents are paying for my knee surgery for my birthday. What costume will look good on crutches for my Halloween Birthday?
Welcome to adulthood.
He made me tacos after the sex. Best date ever!
I was too hungover to sit up and pull the curtains closed so I did it with my toes
It was great. We stayed up all night talking about objects he'd put in his theoretical vagina.
Randomize
