omg... punch me in the throat... I am about to lose my mind with my parents.. I'm not saying I agree with the menendez brothers.. but I understand
Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
Tbell employee was shuffling through my bag, calling off each item i ordered to make sure it was all there. I stopped him halfway through with "guy, don't worry, I'm high as shit, I'll eat anything."
surprisingly enough, it isn't that uncomfortable to have sex with a heart monitor on
I feel like i got beat with a pillowcase full of tequila shots.
It's like she can't drink without using a flambongo
oh sorry. I thought "boat" was code for "penis"
There's hot sauce all over my mirror, lamp shade and dresser. Also it's your turn for weed
One day i'll wow you with artfully trimmed pubes.
I'm about to have a bowl of Advils... without any fucking milk.
never planned on seeing last weekend's one night stand again, much less be on the same plane as him..
I wonder how many people saw me whip my junk out and bang it on the light post in front of holabird bar and liquors last night. I'm about tired of having to do that.
Nobody saw you except the people in the bar, because you weren't outside. You were inside, and you were smacking it on the mens bathroom door handle
I really hate whoever invented fireball.
i think i just lost a toe
Howd it go?
Well we had the "no we're not fucking on the porch" conversation but then we totally fucked on the porch. So I'd say alright.
It's been three years since Kelly shit in the to go box that we put in Sam's mailbox after we broke up. Considering Sam and I are friends again, should I finally tell him?
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