soo according to the calendar on my phone, I'm 5 minutes late to have sex with that guy from work. Apparently we planned this, I even set an alarm.
if i died would you start the facebook group?
Bring mistletoe to the strip club, and they feel obligated. they dont even charge you
RJ thinks I should put one of the muffins in my vagina. Good idea or bad idea?
Just saw a half naked, drunk, 6th grade math teacher throwing small children around to the Titanic soundtrack.
What kind of wedding is this and why wasn't I invited
She said to bring taco sauce. Hoping that's a euphemism.
OK WHO CHANGED MY RING TONE TO LADY AND THE TRAMP AND CHANGED EVERY CONTACT IN MY PHONE TO 'SOME GUY I FUCKED'?
Did you seduce any young men into coming home to your love nest of poutine and jäger bombs?
I lost the bet. I now have to do all chores sans clothing of any kind. I give it a week before I'm knocked up...
I immediately knew he was tripping, he came over with a grocery bag of snow balls and a bike helmet on and asked if I was prepared to die for my country.
Yeah i was handcuffed to the bed all night but i actually slept like a baby
Vagic. Defined as a kind of magic one has over a girl's vagina. Used in a sentence... he's an accomplished vagician.
Nothin ruins a fine afternoon like shitting ur pants
If you can throw 105 mph it’s mandatory that you’re hung.
Still drunk, heading to class.
It's 3 a.m. Dude
Doesn't mean I'm not at my desk. Ill wait.
Randomize
