I think my emotional moodswings have reached a new low. I cried for the entire duration of changing my tampon.
My lunch today consisted of going on the brewery tour with my boss. Free pretzels and two free beers.
I hate you.
To be fair, the beers are only 8 ounces each. So maybe you just kinda dislike me.
i thought i was the drunkest one there til some girl puked in the tip jar.
He moved away. I mourned his dick all of Sunday. I feel a little better now.
Just tried on my bathing suit for the first time this year. Had to drink a beer to numb the pain.
Weird question, would you want to do fetish porn? you get paid.
Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
bringing a ziploc bag full of Jim Beam to the movies may not have been the best idea.
Complete silence. Background Willy Wonka music. An empty back of Lay's BBQ chips. These are the ingredients for an extreme acid trip.
I'M CUDDLING WITH MY CAT AND THAT GUY SENT ME A DICK PIC. UNANNOUNCED DICK PICS ARE TERRIFYING AND MY CAT WILL NEVER BE THE SAME
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
I'm pathetic. I'm eating cream puffs in the bath and crying a little.
He forehead kissed me AND THEN asked what I was thinking. I'm taking away his man card.
You kept shouting about how you were the king of all bitches...and doors, for some reason.
Yoooooo, the fat magician married the chick I dumped a beer on after I got pissed he was flirting with her in front of me
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