i'm smoking hookah in a kayak. how did this happen.
Going to get yelled at but I labeled the reel "four dried up sluts decide going to the middle east to shop during a war is the best idea ever"
i remember you telling me to take a shower, brush my teeth, go get back in bed w her, and "just do what i was born to do." and as soon as i stopped yacking i did just that. you saved my birthday.
I wish we couldve been like jesus and the desiples tongith
I wiped my mouth this morning with a pine tree branch after I threw up on the side of the road. Tis the season
Is this girl REALLY making a smoothie in the bathroom right now?
His daughter is our waitress. I left her a ten dollar 'I'm sorry I'm a whore and fucked your dad' tip...
He's upstairs shouting 'FUCK OFF I'M IN MY MOTHERFUCKING ZEN ZONE' out of the window.
He got kicked out 3 times. I have no idea how he kept getting back in. I saw him walking on the highway the next morning.
You gotta pick a side. My suggestion: side with tits.
if Anne Taylor knew what she did in her clothes, she'd be banned from the store.
oh come on, it's the perfect length summer dress to blow a stranger in the bathroom in
How drunk do you think I'll be by the time I get home?
I just watched you drink a whole glass of wine through a Twizzler. Pretty drunk.
You probably shouldn't do that...but if you do take pictures
We dont have cups... so were doing shots out of bowls like puppies
when I walked in the door they were passed out naked, on top of eachother, with tetris controllers in their hands.
Randomize
