Remember when the only STD we had to worry about were hickies? Those were the days
It was all about her orgasm last night. I felt like a human dildo.
i told you the emergency thong was a good idea.
She came over and gave me a handy and then just lingered for a day and a half. Worst weekend ever.
I think this hangover is going to kill me. If it succeeds I would like you to read a dramatic rendition of 'Trapped in the closet' complete with interpretative dance at my funeral.
YOU ARE TAKING ADVANTAGE OF MY INEBRIATED STATE
YOU ARE DRUNK AND USED AND SPELLED THE WORD "INEBRIATED" CORRECTLY. I AM TAKING ADVANTAGE OF NOTHING.
I CAN'T HELP THAT I'M MULTITALENTED YA FUCKER
Dammit now I'm pissed. Its like I am torn between two worlds. A world of girls, and a world of people punching other people in the head. Both are just so beautiful.
"I'm 95% straight," he says. Cut to him on his knees...by far the most beautiful guy I've ever fucked.
Because my vagina is Ellis Island. All foreign penises must be presented for inspection and competency. God bless America.
UGH FUCK THIS TRAFFIC I WANNA SUCK A DICK
First thing I find in the car I just pick up from my grandpa? A discount card for the strip club down the road from his apartment. The force is still strong.
Well I mean he still had sex with me after I told him that I play fetch with the kids I take care of, so I'm not really looking too far ahead with him...
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
I always feel bad for the sober driver... Never been me but I feel bad... empathetic AF
So you're saying that I ended up challenging a dude to Uno then proceed to punch them in the face?
Randomize
