So why didn't Edward and the Cullens just kill Hitler?
You need to stop watching Twilight.
And then he told me he had the vodka, but he was still in line at WIC for the juice.
Sometimes, in the course of human events, people get lit on fire.
Awesome. My fame will spread to DC... As will the herpes.
there is laundry and salad ALL OVER my car, i need context
You remember the guy that busted in waving a tazer at everyone yelling "get the fuck outta my crib"?
yeah you don't forget that shit easily
We ended up crawling out from our hiding spot and playing pool with him once he calmed down. His name is Marcus. I got his email.
the amount of chicks and firearms here is unnerving. this will end awesomely or at the morgue.
The liquor stores are closed! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! CURSE YOU SANDY!!!!
whatever the appropriate amount of shots is to consider drunken acrobatics a good idea was a few less than I actually had
Then you bent down and whispered, "excuse me mr. Stair, could you please stop moving?"
Dude, i just watched a drag queen dropkick a motherfucker. this is a good night.
He fingered me to the beat of the Fresh Prince theme song... it was pretty fantastic.
Are you drunk texting me again or are you just being your regular stupid self?
yes
Note to Self: Never again eat a weed brownie by yourself two hours before a tornado warning in your exact location.
I'm getting drunk off Malibu and watching Drag Race and it's only 2 in the afternoon. I'm the poster child for sad gay men.
Randomize
