Your tits are I can't wait for
JoAnns office is warmer than mine. . .it must be because she has the gateway to hell under her desk.
She was sleeping without a shirt so I thought I wouldI sneaked a peek at her nipples..than I realized they were just warts...on her back.
How am I suppose to look him in the face when I know a commercial lasts longer than he does?
you called me at 4 am to tell me you found the cracker barrel location where we'll have lunch next week
I'm gonna play a drinking game called "Sarah takes the train"
Tonight marks the 1 yr anniversary of me waking up in a bush. is that reason enough to celebrate?
Just stepped off the plane in St. Louis. I'm breaking out in hives, I'm allergic to Midwesterners. Can't WAIT to get the fuck out of here.
IF IT WALKS LIKE A MANWHORE AND QUACKS LIKE A MANWHORE, HE PROBABLY HAS VD.
i hate going to her parties because i always know everyone there which means everyone knows my ex which means i wont get laid
You told us that you were going to become a 'new man' and threw your tv set out of a window.
i was so high when i left this morning that rather than make sandwiches i threw bread and peanut butter in my backpack. a whole loaf. and a whole jar
Don't get into any trouble on your trip
The only foreseeable trouble would be pregnancy, but I gotta be sterile otherwise I'm beating some pretty fucking incredible odds
I'm doing my drinking workout. 20 pushups for each beer I finish. I should write a fucking book
I ripped ass in on and around her face during a hard 69. I don't think she'll ever call me again.
Randomize
