so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
is it bad if i hope guys are like edward cullen and can read my mind. i could be a whore in disguise.
i just saw a woman using her birth control packet as a wallet.
"Tonight I'm turning swine flu into an std" this might be how zombies come about. Peace civilization.
they told me they were banning four lokos so yeah i did have to buy 42 of them
I don't remember anything but yelling at the ref in Spanish.
the last thing i remember is yelling at the cab driver that i'm really good at drive by vomitting.
I have fruit by the foot roll-ups. I wonder if a man could tie them together and make an editable bra....
We decided it was acceptable to walk out of class on a quest for Doritos. That high.
I have a cracked rib, no way in hell I'm bottoming for him tonight!
Love these next 4 months. Wake up from a college football hangover and get to put your hand down your pants and watch NFL football all day.
I wore wrist and ankle weights while we had sex. Does that count as working out?
At 38 I had to open a Snapchat account to communicate with my 21 yr bf. where is my life going.
It was 6am and he went immediately for the 69. WTF?? 6am is WAY to early for acrobatics.
The exact people you expect to find at a bar at 2pm are here. Come visit. We'd really like the company.
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