mustard is like jesus in yellow tights
I just remembered we were doing butt clenching exercising with bar straws last night
I just realized I'm gonna get paid at midnight on New Years Eve. That could be dangerous.
I only keep her as my best friend so she wont hook up with my ex.
Srsly this has gone to far. Just broke my nose on the toilet. College bars.
Lmao. We just snorted some mystery powder uriah found packged up in my car, that i know has been in there almost a year... Its adventure time.
Yeah, he has a kid now! Shit... You know you're all grown up when the people you used to have threesomes with become parents
There is a glee sing along. It's on random and they know them all. Like, the specific glee timings and pauses. I need to leave. I need to escape
Is the mullet a good, great, or horrible idea before we leave for college
Dude she's from Moscow. I feel like I'm cheating on America.
Also my bed has glitter in it for reasons I do not recall
You're a goddess. Probably of destruction and dick jokes, or some shit, but man, lesser bitches wish they could be half as fab.
Your boyfriend being in jail is really helping my social life! #GotASingleDrinkingBuddyAgain
WHY IS THERE A GOLD FISH IN MY BONG??
Good morning beautiful! Wanna steal a cat this weekend?
Randomize
