You dirty dirty liar I like the way you twitter
This ginger kid smells like a queef popsicle
Yeah, but I'm out of licorice and there's no way anywhere near here will rent us all mopeds on a Tuesday night.
ugh.. my birth control just came out of my nose. wtf?
Puked in a cab. Passed out on my floor an my mom put a blanket over me. Home by 1045. I won shitshow trophy last night.
It's alright she couldn't hear you. Her legs were over her ears
I ended up with a bullet proof vest and I still don't know his last name.
He tried to make an olympic torch by lighting a corona box on top of a pool cleaner.
I may or may not have just sent the bartender a pic of me in my slutty cheerleader costume with the caption "rah rah ree, gimme yo d"
She kept grabbing my head and told my faces to stop shaking.. Also, she kept whispering something about seeing flowers in my eyes.
I'm pretty sure I'm the first person in the history of this college to rollerblade their walk of shame.
telling her she was ovary-acting wasn't the greatest idea. doing it in a text so she could see your spelling was where you really went wrong, though.
just saw a kid get pissed on buy a tiger at the zoo. His dad is rofling and the kid is crying. I think I have to go make a new friend
I'm actually on the verge of cancelling a booty call because I have an early meeting tomorrow. If this is what adulthood is going to be like, I'll pass.
Think he has a gf
Yea that shit doesn’t necessarily stop me
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