Being 21 is my favorite hobby I'm really good at it
My Adderall prescription says to take my recommended dose and throw away any leftover pills. Why don't more prescriptions come with jokes like this?
This hangover is way worse than all my relationships
I can't wait to be a mother. My daughters gonna outdrink every boy in her grade
Just spent the last 5 minutes laughing at my epipen. i think i'm too high.
If taco bell and midol can't fix her, she's in gods hands now.
I should know better than to trust a man I've seen cry on multiple occasions to give me accurate sports information.
So for future reference.... it's a little unnerving when I can't get hold of you, and the last communication we had was, "Oh fuck... It's tequila"
She pushed me over. She offered me a shot from her tits. We're good now
gona look into getting a tetanus booster and carrying an adrenaline shot...its going off this weekend
idk but i can hear her singing "Call Me Maybe" really slowly and emotionally in the shower right now
We could put on there: "Drink jager bombs and do stupid shit faster, with more energy!"
I figured you were on something. You're way too happy right now to be sober
This is like a walk of shame down memory lane.
Lol, maybe a little bit. I don't know. I don't keep a super keen memory log of dicks honestly.
Randomize
