Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
Last night i stole a disco ball from a frat house by pretending i was pregnant.
this girl im hooking up with thought my ring was a purity ring... apparently im taking it too slow
Drunk at a girls little league game. Hello summer.
You pulled the fire alarm because you had to shit and there was someone in the bathroom. you said you needed privacy
i just realized that im half way to my goal of puking in every single toilet on our floor
when i got home i made myself toast with butter & put pasta on it. I know this cause it's all over my bed.
I feel like a fucking princess. Like an heiress of a kingdom of drugs.
Dipping doritos in ranch. Why doesn't he love me?
He rode a broom down the stairs while we were mattress surfing. Naked. Buck ass naked. WTF
you cant ever make fun of my bong's stick on moustache again. its the reason the cop let me keep it and my weed.
I just pulled a piece of cookie out of my bra in the middle of class. I'm forever alone.
Just remember that I named his dick Robo-cock before he got into the sheriff's department.
It can't be Friday yet, in still getting friend requests of people I don't remember from last weekend
So, i might have left my morals back in 2011.
Randomize
