Just threw up in a trash can by the ATM. Then pulled out money for weed.
I feel like I spend my weeks apologizing for my weekends.
Okay well someone asked "IS HE HOMELESS?" about me so I need to try and find somebody.
once you get past the part where you think youre gonna die, its the most amazing drug ive ever experienced.
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I had to help you off the toilet floor because you couldn't get up, then you threw your drink on the floor and just said "oh dear" really calmly.
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
Looked for my lighter in the console and found more tampons. Seriously. You're like a squirrel prepping for a hard winter. A menstruating squirrel.
So this is where people who peaked in high school come to drink?
I like to feed my guinea pigs before I get stoned. In case they get contact high and get the munchies. It's only polite.
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Nothing says summer like lemonaid, but nothing says fuck yeah summer like lemonaid and vodkavodka
The struggle bus has heated seats and stops at Dunkin on Friday mornings so I'll be okay.
I have unfollowed so many people the only things showing up in my newsfeed are dog rescues and sloth memes
he's so hot I'd consider breaking the whole, "till death do us part," agreement he's currently in
Tanner. All u drink. 10 bckaa. Locked in Porto potty outside. Constructed area. Main strrrreeeett. Fuck. Help. Pleese
I feel like the physical embodiment of the pot leaf eyes smiley face
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