Exactly how many bongs can i have before my parents figure out they really aren't vases
I'm way too drunk on a Sunday to handle this level of Jesus.
He used my blackberry to make a voice recording of me orgasming, then set it as my ringtone while I was sleeping. I discovered this during a staff meeting this morning.
I swear to god he's a one man village people.
He got about halfway through singing "Drift Away" before he passed out and broke my coffee table.
Sorry I pulled the thermostat off the wall..
I'm being an old woman and getting trashed in a night gown in public...of course it's going to be fun
i was beyond wasted so he tucked me into bed and wrapped the blankets around me like a burrito. then gave me a bloody mary and an omlet when i woke up. and who says living with your cousin is a bad thing?!
They broke our car window and then wrote "great night" on the next
I'm stoned at 1030am, watching Maury with my exboyfriend. I need to make better choices with my life.
But seriously who drew a dick on a tortilla and nailed it to the door?
He yearns for your heart.
He needs to stop being a pussy about it.
I see myself subsisting on tequila for the next several days.
I was so drunk I got stuck in the middle of a revolving door
Where are you? Where am I? Why am I so red?
Randomize
