and then they started calling me 'Shitshow Shandra', which apparently i took as a compliment.
I just banged your sister. Thats what you get for takibg my lunch money in 2 grade, boom, boom fiyyaa powaa
Exactly. Because my vagina can't be consoled with words. It requires a thicker form of communication
Dude, I checked into a cathedral... I thought it was a joke, until I found a candle and a whole bunch of coins in my purse
You can't buy drugs with a ziplock bag full of quarters, chuck-e-cheese coins, and a starbucks giftcard.
watch me
i'm laying here naked in a pile of empty landshark bottles, is lauren still hiding under the toilet?
She wanted me to watch her masterbate and after she thanked me for a wonderful evening and left. This state is weird.
i refuse to hook up with a girl that looks like drew carey.
Operation: pick up a lawyer was a resounding success. Commence operation: football mugshot weekend
I'm using the house around the corner that my parents rent out to people as a means of getting sex. I just tell them I'm going for a walk and just invite my next hook up over
No you don't understand. This tree is really alive. Like in Pocahontas.
I have just been informed that my company has ray guns. I WORK FOR ACTUAL BOND VILLAINS. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Pssh I just bang a girl in a single person tent. Thats like the back seat of a sedan.
I just remember banging him and then at some point I went and took a shower and went and laid in the closet
If I told the doordash driver it's national nudity day, think he'd still report me for being topless at the door?
Randomize
