The worlds most fuckable chipmunk
I told my mom I had sex with him and even SHE was proud. Now that's saying something.
the problem with open bar is i never know what to get
did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."
I have a beer in one hand and a slim fast in another. It's another one of those wednesday nights.
she had that "i just got used" look on her face when i kicked her out at 5am
guess who's bored in chemistry researching how to sneak weed through airport security in her vagina?
hes out at the street wearing a tophat and a monocole and carrying a cane and greeting every car that drives by
he just went across the street and into someones house and we could hear him inviting them over from the front porch
just to let you know its hard to talk to your father while being fingered up against a car..
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Wesley from the Princess Bride. I kept telling him what I wanted him to do and all he would say was "as you wish"
That's what my new years consisted of. Consoling heartbroken girls and having people throw up in my hands.
I hope you get some kind or rare disease that makes your dick ties itself in a knot for fucking her you lucky bastard.
I found my weird threshold when Truth or Dare became everyone get naked and snort Adderall off the kitchen counter.
Like, yea, let's talk sexy but also...LOOK! I SAW A CAT!
The single life is the freaking dream dude. I'm sitting here naked, eating chocolate mousse, and watching Gilmore girls. It's wonderful
I'll do anything with you, except downhill sports and butt stuff.
Randomize
