Yeah, but thats the third time she's peed on me.
Mario Lopez is the poor mans Ryan Seacrest
some girl just asked me how to spell unconscious. I really want to know what she was texting.
We stayed in and smoked weed and watched Dreamgirls. We made each other's vaginal lips sing the songs. Mine was Beyonce, hers was Jamie Foxx. I think this is one of those times you're jealous you're not an awesome lesbian.
You need to let me be on top sometimes. I gotta get rid of these love handles
I gave up on alcohol forever for like 2 hours, that's got to be a new record
AND I JUST GOT FUCKING DAUGHTER ZONED. NO. I'M DONE. I HATE BOYS. ASEXUALITY HERE I COME.
Found my id. It was in the cats litter box. Seriously what was last night.
I dealt with the imported moonshine, but when the cocaine came out, I had to get the fuck out of there
Oh I'm definitely going to hit on her, there's no question about that. What I meant by playing it cool is I'm not going to mount her on sight.
Just FYI....you totally yelled out Royals while we were having sex last night lol.
Can you hurry up? Jamie just challenged my ex boyfriend to a duel and someone honest to God handed her a sword?
She didn't have her own?
This is why you arnt allowed in pet stores
Like people might wonder why I put up with your puns. You give good head and play with my hair
I cant promise hot guys but i can promise alcohol which is close enough.
Randomize
