ad ew i am wasted whats my problem
I only kidnapped one of them. chill
would you ever date a girl who drove an 89 Chrysler LeBaron? - for the record it's a convertable
I queefed so loud it echoed.
Dude I could put my dick between the gap in her teeth.. This is the last time we are hanging out with Kentucky girls
I went out in a blaze of glory. I failed the field sobriety test by saying ABCD FUCK YOU.
Just pissed by glowstick light. Bad idea.
If you're that baked in a class full of people that know you're that baked you tend to offer up a peace offering. Its like the burrito of trust! If eaten you are now obligated to help maintain my grades and keep me from falling out of my chair. $3.75 a morning is worth it for that mafia type protection!
It has become abundantly clear why you give me pixie stix when you're drunk now...
In honor of today being Sunday I am day drinking and watching Grey's Anatomy all day. ALL DAY.
being single and having a boyfriend 300 miles away is eerily similar. never skipped a beat eating hot wings in my bed with no pants or masturbating every day.
Didn't have the heart to tell him that while he was eating my ass I was laughing, not moaning, into the pillow
I just masturbated to the thought of him straight up talking to me. to us having a conversation. What the hell.
Please remind me next time not to call the ex who cheated on me to cry about the ex who forgave me for putting him in prison. It would be much appreciated.
He started out in my roommates bed and by the end of the night was in mine, not sure how that went down. But he left happy in the morning.
Ooooh no. Jesus take the wheel, or Moses. SOMEBODY TAKE THE WHEEL
Randomize
