College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
my mom just told me how she used to love having sex while stoned. wtf.
I was just told by a cop that my party was the most epic party they ever crashed
Last night must have been awesome, my dog still smells like vomit.
once she started licking the door on the stall, i got out of there and told her bf "this is your problem now" and walked away
Sometimes he has weird facial hair...Basically he has a penis... that's what he's got going for him.
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
So I realized I was officially over him when I was getting a lap dance on the keg bus at 3am from his old boss and I was double fisting:)
he spent an hour trying to convince us that Ted Nugent is Kid Rock from the future. by the end of it i was very close to believing him.
Dude, Donte totally wants it. I don't have any idea how I do it. I'm not even cool. I'm not even the hero Gotham deserves. I'm barely high. My hands are swelling. Want me to pick you up anything from five guys?
You have not lived until you have drunkenly grinded on your mother. Daughter of the year right here.
The power of the half flaccid cock, and to think, I thought I was just playing accordion in front of her Vagina!
I feel slightly un-patriotic right now... I just got cock blocked by the Air Force!
Hey what are you up to?
I am wear the people with the mustaches live. I have found their home.
DUDE, WE BOUGHT THE ACID TOGETHER.
I almost wrecked my car because of a guy in skinny jeans had a boner
Randomize
