Your sister thinks she pees out of her clit. Did you have Sex Ed or Sunday School growing up?
How you know a guy is gay: they say they would want money, not sexual favors, from emma watson
Yeah he's still asleep. I washed the blender out. He tried to make a ham-shake. Lets wait until after break to have that talk. I kind of want to see where this goes.
No clues in my phone. Only dialed call: my own social security number. And that was before 10:00pm.
Talking to friends parents while buying all the things needed for Jell-O shots. classic
All you had to say was "damn dude that looks fun, I miss ice fishing." But you sent a picture of poop. Classy
At first I was horrified but then he explained that he shave a "soul patch" on his balls... And I was still horrified, but I went with it.
I just used my VA prescription bottle of xanax to get a military discount at the liquor store. I win.
Only you could get away with that.
Woke up to the UT campus police fishing my boxers out of the university pool, guess it was a good night.
"You're the only girl I haven't made out with yet" = worst pick up line ever
I hate when I wake up and find my vibrator next to me. Such a waste of an orgasm...getting myself off in my sleep and not remembering
This is the best 30th birthday ever. In a Motel 6 drinking a shower beer and sending slow-mo dick helicopter videos to you.
I wasn't that gone.
Dude, you cried and said how sorry you were when we asked why you had the dip.
All I remember is talking the cops into calling us a cab instead of giving us PIs while trying to wake up your passed-out-on-a-bench ass.
That awkward moment when you were so fucking drunk lastnight that you and your fuck buddy wake up wearing eachother's clothing covered in hot cheetos with his cat curled up between your heads meowing. Thought you'd appreciate this moment with me.
Randomize
